Warning! This is a weight loss blog not a cupcake blog.

I gained 100 pounds and now I'm going to lose it...

This ticker thingy is kind of depressing but it'll get better.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

little things

Tonight I took a shower. Not one of those 10 minute showers but a long, indulgent shower. I just felt like busting out the good stuff. You know, the great smelling, organic totally indulgent body scrub, shower gel, lotion. All the stuff that once upon a time I used every single day but not now... Since gaining weight I've put it back, waaaaayyyyy back, in the linen closet. I've refused to use it or even look at it. Somewhere along the way I "put it on the list"... The list of things I'd do or resume doing after losing weight. I felt undeserving of my bath products. How crazy is that?!

Along with my bath products I pulled out my bath brush. I lathered up three times! As I scrubbed I realized that in addition to refusing to look at myself had refused to think about myself . Really think about my hair or skin or anything. I've tried to avoid myself.

Tonight I also put on lotion which I've not done in a very long time. In my effort to avoid myself I would forego the lotion. Applying lotion makes a person think about themselves. How much to use. Where to put it first. Also it makes a person come into contact with themselves from head to toe. I didn't realize how badly I needed to moisturize. I used a fourth a bottle of face cream before my skin felt hydrated and nearly half a bottle of lotion. I made myself touch my tummy and thighs with are my big, big problem areas. I had such an internal struggle that I made myself a motivational playlist for the after the shower routine. Beautiful by Christina Aguliera, Gotta Be by Desiree, Unwritten by Natasha Benningfield. It was like starring in one of those commericals that make lotioning up look exciting, fun, daring, and adventurous...
I reconnected with myself tonight. I feel empowered and even a little bit beautiful... However, I have a new thing to add to my "Top Reasons To Lose Weight List". Being overweight means more surface area which means more lotion, more soap, more everything and that's pricey!


  1. Follow the money! Very funny. I don't even have a full-length mirror in my house. I can't face it, even having lost my excess weight. I still see the old me in the mirror. Crazy, huh?

  2. I don't think that's crazy. Not at all. In fact I have the exact opposite problem. I look in the mirror and don't see how obese I've become. It takes a picture or video to really bring the truth home to me.

    I think my self-delusion is much higher up on the "crazy scale". :)