an apology to my body

Dear body,

I am sorry that I call You names and belittle you. Often from preconsciousness shortly before the alarm clock is due to ring I begin telling You how ugly You are, how sub par You are, how weak You are, how disgusted I am by You. Several times an hour I remind You of my feelings.

Nearly every night I force myself to stay awake because I dread the morning. Then I blame You for my headache, my sluggishness. It's all YOUR FAULT. I scream in my head. YOU FAILED ME AGAIN!!!

I just want You to know that I truly know that I'm the one failing You. I don't give You enough sleep, enough water, enough nutrition yet day after day after day You keep going. You're the Little Engine That Could... You think You can, You think You can, You think You can. You keep on trying to pull me up the hill despite my neglect and ill treatment of You. You keep my heart beating, my lungs breathing. You try to steer me onto the right course by telling me when I hurt You. When I feed You the wrong foods You try to get my attention with an upset stomach. When I deprive you of sleep You try to tell me to stop by giving me a head ache.

I've ignored You. I am sorry.

You see. I'm afraid. Terrified really. I just want to hide. I want to keep people at a distance and I use You to accomplish that goal. Yet, really that's not the life I want to live so I berate You for my failures. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

I think You're absolutely amazing. The way You are put together astounds me. Your strength encourages me, inspires me.

I've done a lot of damage to You, but if You'll hang in there with me and continue guiding me to where we need to be then I'll do my part too. I will respect You, nourish You, love You, care for You. I promise!